What my students have taught me

Good teachers and professors can convey their wisdom between the lines. But our education is more than our formal schooling. I firmly believe it’s possible to learn from anyone and any experience.

My role as an advisor to German and American exchange students puts me in a position to offer my own wisdom when asked for it. I say things like:

• Life is full of recurring situations and second chances, not just for Bill Murray.
• The direct path is not the only path, nor always the best path.
• At age 18 or 21 or 26, you can’t really know what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.
• Find your calling, though, and make it your profession.
• To a great many things in life, there is a trick; find it.
• Don’t let people waste your time.
• Don’t give mind to bullies and trolls. Instead, study how they think.
• Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. It’s how we learn.

My students are surprised when I say that I learn as much from them as they do from me. Here is some of what they teach me, or remind me of, on a regular basis.

• Approach new people and new situations with an open mind.
The older we get, the more we tend to develop a kind of tunnel vision. We know what we like and what we don’t like. With more of their life ahead of them, students are willing to try just about anything once. Young children take this even further: they’re able to make friends with anybody. Coming of age basically means realizing that adult society has achieved a lot, but also screwed a lot of things up. Through their attitude, students offer a reminder not to jump to conclusions about new people and new situations.

• Treat everyone equally.
Mainstream society labels, sorts and judges people according to their background, level of education, profession, social standing, income, attractiveness, and so on. Students, among themselves, are on a much more equal footing, and see being treated equally as an important sign of respect.

• Differences that used to matter no longer do.
People above a certain age often have a “majority-minority” view of society. They’re very aware of differences from the norm and may comment on them out of curiosity, concern or prejudice. The young generation, or the educated segment of it, is a big step beyond that. Most of today’s American students do not define others by things like their ethnicity, sexual orientation or physical handicaps. If it’s important to someone, that person will bring it up in conversation.

• It’s no longer uncool to be friends with your parents.
When I was growing up, anything parents did beyond running the household risked embarrassing their kids in front of their friends. In contrast, many of today’s students are proud to be friends with their parents. While my students do joke about how their parents sometimes barge in on their Facebook conversations by making trite comments, they appreciate all the moral support they get from them.

• In spite of this, young people desperately need role models.
Their parents and relatives remember them as children; their teachers are authority figures; and as far as something like career advice goes, each of these individuals might be a special case. Who else will tell them first-hand what life is really like at age 30, 40 or beyond?

• Respect is greatly appreciated.
Without the old rites of passage, society lacks a real boundary between childhood and adulthood. Students crave signs that they are being offered the full respect and responsibility of adults. Quite a few of my students have given me the impression that I might be the first person with a firm footing in adulthood who has not talked down to them, but talked to them in the exact same way as I would to another adult.

• True introverts really struggle in lots of everyday situations.
Encouraging everyone equally to participate in discussions simply makes some people very nervous. Some just really aren’t up to it.

• Just the feeling that someone is there for you can be enough to get you through the day.
They’ve told me time and again how important this is, whether or not I’ve been able to help them with anything specific.

• Their knowledge and appreciation of books, films and culture from before their time is often surprising.
They see the difference in quality when there is one. Producers of mass entertainment ignore this at their peril.

• Enjoy life. You only live once!
My students are out doing something every single day, and documenting it relentlessly. A big fear seems to be that they will be forced to settle into a routine and not have the chance to live life to the fullest. It’s up to the rest of us to show them that life never stops being fun unless we let it.