When I was little, I heard about Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Naturally, I asked my parents when Children’s Day was. They laughed and said: “Every day is Children’s Day.” So it must seem to supporters of the women’s movement, who have spent the last hundred years fighting for equal rights, equal pay and equal respect, that there is such a thing as a men’s movement, which celebrates International Men’s Day on November 3 in Europe and today, November 19, in North America.
It turns out there is a Children’s Day (on November 20), proclaimed by the UN as a way of drawing attention to the health and education of children in poor countries. In a similar way, the UN supports Men’s Day as a way of focusing on how men are socialized and on how important they are to their families. It’s a chance for men to reflect on their own role models and to think about being better role models themselves.
A lot of men need to do this. Of the 2.3 million inmates in US state, federal and local prisons, 91 percent are men. The US Department of Justice estimated in 2001 that if incarceration rates continued, 5.9 percent of white men and 32 percent of black men in America would be in jail at some point in their lives.
This thinking was also behind the Million-Man March on Washington, DC, in 1995 — a demonstration of several hundred thousand African-American men who listened to motivational speeches by religious and political leaders about how to be better fathers and contribute more to their communities.
In 1997, a group called the Promise Keepers held a very similar event for (mainly white) men, attracting a similar-sized crowd. The Million-Man March was organized by the Nation of Islam, while the Promise Keepers are a Christian organization.
According to an old saying, “A few bad apples spoil the whole barrel.” In the case of men, it’s more than a few who are arrogant, chauvinistic, self-serving, violent or criminal — but it’s not most.
Outdated thinking, in some cases, turns men into victims. Some points to consider:
- The check. When a man and a woman go out to dinner in America, the man is always expected to pay.
- The draft. America has a volunteer army, but men are the ones who still have to register with the draft board. Other countries expect months or years of service, but not from women, who live longer.
- Alimony. Why? Do only men have jobs these days? Of course not.
- Child custody. Unfortunately, enough men abandon their families or abuse their children that men generally are not trusted to do the job alone.
The old-fashioned idea of man as provider and defender puts a lot of pressure on men, say some men’s groups. By emphasizing ritual, sports, friendship and fatherhood instead, they are helping men to be more comfortable with themselves. Women can do their part by not rewarding macho, arrogant or dangerous behavior. Society must also encourage men to develop their nurturing side. Men like to create things, and what better way than to raise children, if they can do it properly?
Of course, men rarely spend enough time with their kids when they have the chance; and society has a lot of prejudices that continue to make victims of women, too. But step by step, it’s possible to move forward — perhaps even a million men at a time.
